That Floating Poo Was Way Too Symbolic! These Are the TV Disappointments of the Past Year.
Looking back, we reflect on the television landscape of the past year, a handful of shows stand out not for their excellence, but for their spectacular failures. Ranging from awkward spin-offs to confusingly poor docuseries, here are the productions that left us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
Where to begin with this love/hate follow-up? Burdened with dreadful scripts, cringe-inducing arcs (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. For a moment, as the final series started, it looked like it had finally found its groove. Then arrived an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator declared this would be the final season. It ended on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was just way too symbolic. Yet, fans undeniably had a hoot dissecting every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a small sob?
All’s Fair
‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’
But that was practically the least of this show's problems. The recipient of a very rare zero star assessment, it was hard to know where to begin listing the problems. The hilariously wooden dialogue? The mind-numbing veneration of wealth and consumption? The seemingly deliberate procession of cliches? Performances so bad they felt almost spiteful? Let’s just say “all of the above” and forget about this series again. Except, a new season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.
The Charlie Sheen Documentary
Considering the restraining orders, abuse claims and fatherly shortcomings, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d truly have known it from this three-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive hedonism while struggling to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any sympathy this series might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charming but flippant narcissist.
The Iris Affair
Naturally we understood it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.
The Gangster Drama
Shady figures meeting in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.
Actually, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a bit old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to indulge baffling dialects. But there were many other problems. Primarily that it was just really dull; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various cockney picaresques which seemed rather simplistic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Given the degree to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s almost easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into twee lifestyle as deliberate statements. But then you view them and are compelled to admit that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue animated; a poster for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark sayings and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by immense, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.
The Beckham Documentary
There are clearly interesting things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, identity, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this documentary series chose not to explore them. Rather, the viewing was like reading a marketing brochure. She obviously has good reason to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any favours with this cagey non-event of a series.
The Inheritance
It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a well-known personality managing her estate. What more could you want? As players competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too confusing to explain what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up reeking of a production that was straining desperately to live up to something far greater than it.
The Lena Dunham Romcom
How does one succeed a show that defined a generation? The expectation was immense for this starry romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of celebrity friends involved felt uncomfortable.
The Sketch Show Return
Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the shrewd inclusion of talented emerging comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a single joke stretched to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be handled sensitively. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lurching from oddly jaunty, slightly stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Very much so.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We admire the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could ruin society? Nope! This international thriller about secret services spying on – and eliminating – academics frankly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This uncritical portrait followed the content creator notorious for sexual escapades as she undertook her biggest feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was way more examination of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who showed up to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and absolutely no interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.
